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 Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Top Twenty Reasons Hillary Clinton Should Stay in The Race


Will Durst

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Even though the dogged Hillary Clinton is being encouraged by friend and foe and pundit alike to drop out of the Democratic Presidential Primary, there is a contingent that thinks her best move is to dig in her heels and bite the hand off of anyone who tries to restrain her.

Admittedly, that contingent is mostly made up of me and a couple other guys in the editorial cartoonist world. But seriously, what the hell, she’s come this far.

Who quits within sight of the finishing line of a marathon?

It’s like climbing 890 steps of the Washington Monument, then turning around and going back down after the gun sounds. No. Walk the final three.

And in an attempt to nudge her steadfastness into calcifying unity, I’ve doubled your usual top ten list, and come up with twenty reasons why the Junior Senator from New York should stick it out the bitter end, and when I say bitter, I mean bitter.

No need to thank me, I’m here to help.

Although, tips are always appreciated.

20. With the May Sweeps over, you and Barack are the only serial left on air worth watching.

19. WWERD. What would Eleanor Roosevelt Do?

18. You’re faster and you outweigh him. He wouldn’t last three rounds in a ring.

17. What kind of message does throwing in the towel now send to America’s youth?

16. If they want you out, let them try something. They’ll soon find out, it’ll take more than a village.

15. Meteor showers. Lots and lots of meteor showers. One of which could strike Barack right in the head. At any time.

14. For posterity’s sake. Or is it posterior’s sake?

13. You going to waste all those months training for Denver’s altitude?

12. Summer vacation coming and it’s too expensive to go overseas.

11. Who knows? Maybe Puerto Rico will tap into a vast pool of undiscovered oil and get ratified as a state in time for the Convention?

10. It’s either this or you go home and listen to Bill bitch bitch bitch. “I could have been !st Gentleman” this. And “I could have been Attorney General” that.

9. Grrrl Power!

8. What’s that old saying: as go Montana and North Dakota, so goes the world?

7. Now, people can look at Chelsea and say,
“Well, it’s easy to see which side of the family she got her stubbornness.”

6. You want that Vice Presidential nod, you get it the old fashioned way: you earn it.

5. From now on, whenever people speak about the hardest- working woman in politics, they’re talking about you, little lady.

4. For the healthy and nutritious road food.

3. Staying in the race guarantees your knitting circle will never call you a quitter.

2. Be honest: What else you got going on?

1. Spite. Just do it for spite

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